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Grieving the past
Jun. 12th, 2017 11:02 amUneasy dream last night. For the first time in a while, I got a phone call from Mark in my dream. I don't see him any more, he told me he couldn't stay longer. He told me it was dangerous for me to keep trying to pursue him.
Last time he called me, he told he had to stop calling as well. So we had the whole conversation over again, which is ridiculous but it doesn't seem that way in a dream. I'm all, you don't call, you don't write, are you ever coming home? Well duh, he can't. He can't come back. (Of course, says the logical me, cremation and all that does get in the way. And ew if he did.) I can't let go. Tenacity, stubbornness, temper. I'm really good at those. Acceptance and moving on, not so much. Maybe, five years out, it times to think about grief counseling. Which I feel a stubborn resistance to because that's like giving up. But something to think about. I can tell this day will be colored by sadness.
Last time he called me, he told he had to stop calling as well. So we had the whole conversation over again, which is ridiculous but it doesn't seem that way in a dream. I'm all, you don't call, you don't write, are you ever coming home? Well duh, he can't. He can't come back. (Of course, says the logical me, cremation and all that does get in the way. And ew if he did.) I can't let go. Tenacity, stubbornness, temper. I'm really good at those. Acceptance and moving on, not so much. Maybe, five years out, it times to think about grief counseling. Which I feel a stubborn resistance to because that's like giving up. But something to think about. I can tell this day will be colored by sadness.
