philotera: self portrait #1 2017 (Default)
Uneasy dream last night. For the first time in a while, I got a phone call from Mark in my dream. I don't see him any more, he told me he couldn't stay longer. He told me it was dangerous for me to keep trying to pursue him.

Last time he called me, he told he had to stop calling as well. So we had the whole conversation over again, which is ridiculous but it doesn't seem that way in a dream. I'm all, you don't call, you don't write, are you ever coming home? Well duh, he can't. He can't come back. (Of course, says the logical me, cremation and all that does get in the way. And ew if he did.) I can't let go. Tenacity, stubbornness, temper. I'm really good at those. Acceptance and moving on, not so much. Maybe, five years out, it times to think about grief counseling. Which I feel a stubborn resistance to because that's like giving up. But something to think about. I can tell this day will be colored by sadness.
philotera: self portrait #1 2017 (Default)
Recipes. I have long considered that I'm not good at cooking, but Jay recently made me see it in a new light. He said I may not be a good cook, he's no judge of that, but that I am a yummy cook. I can be happy with yummy cooking.

1) What was the first recipe or food you learned how to cook?
Probably opening a can of soup, if that counts. If that doesn't count, then (because I was insane) the first thing I remember actually cooking from a recipe was a roast duck for Christmas in the shitty kitchen of my NYC apartment. It came out terrible.

2) What recipe or food did you cook most recently?
Slow cooked barbecue brisket. It came out yummy. I love the slow cooker. Best kitchen appliance ever.

3) What recipe or food do you cook most often?
Pork shoulder roast. In the slow cooker. I live on it for a week.

4) What is your favorite recipe?
Did I mention the roast pork?

5) What is the recipe you make that impresses other people the most?
I don't know that I cook anything in particular that impresses other people. I'm not that kind of cook. I guess the most recent thing I cooked that impressed someone was scallops. They came out like restaurant scallops which I felt was a major win. Jay was impressed. So was I. There were not enough scallops.
philotera: self portrait #1 2017 (Default)
If you could, would you be a movie star or a rock star?

Movie star. I was once a pretty good young actress, but my sister wanted to be an actress and there was no competing with that. Never a rock star. I have no musical sense at all.

Have you ever been in the media (TV, Radio, Papers)?
Nope.

Do you know anyone who's been on a reality TV show?
I do! My chiropractor, who was big into cross fit, was on Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge. He did really well too, made it into the pit, where he lost. I was impressed -- he did great!

Have you ever met anyone famous?
Depends on what you mean but famous, but yes, even by the most exacting definition. Mostly when I lived in NY. I house sat for Director George Roy Hill. While house sitting for him with my friend, I met Jack Nicholson who is as terrifying as you think. I also met Edward Gorey through the same friend (Gorey was a neighbor or aforementioned friend). He was very shy. I have known a bunch of famous artists, I know a bunch of famous to some degree writers. I worked for a famous mafia don as a cocktail waitress. No, I'm not telling you who.

Who would play you in a movie? Oh Signorney Weaver for sure.
philotera: self portrait #1 2017 (Default)
I am beginning to get feedback from the beta readers I sent my mystery novel draft to. Two people have recommended calling it The Art of Dying, so I am now leaning that way. So far, everyone likes it, a lot. I had great pleasure in getting an email from one of my readers who told me he couldn't put it down, and stayed up until 2:00am to finish it. That pleased me.

Of course, there will be work yet to do. But so far, of the pros who have read it, no one has found any serious problems. Little inconsistencies here and there which will be easy fixes. I am very gratified with that. As well as by the fact that the ending surprised and delighted everyone. I was very afraid I was making it too obvious, so lesson for me. It's obvious to me because I -know- what's happening.

Also, my two medical experts say I handled the gunshot wound perfectly. I am smug about that as well. :)

Of course, the long slog will be finding an agent for it. I hate doing that bit. But so does everyone else, so eh, just part of the job.
philotera: self portrait #1 2017 (Default)
Today I received yet another notice from another friend who is fleeing FB. I haven't been keeping count, but it is noticeable. The reasons are pretty much all the same. It's too depressing, too many jerks, political rants that are not productive and wearing.

This is a thing I get. FB right now exhausts me. I try not to post much political stuff because I don't see the point. My friends list is mostly people of my mind set -- I'm not going to apologize for that. I have yet to see or hear any proof that anything I say will change anyone's mind. That's just not how minds change. So my friends list is the proverbial "echo chamber" and I'm good with that.

That being said, I find the constant deluge of negative political news and images completely exhausting. People post images of things that are painful to me. I've blocked some people who post pictures of suffering animals. Yes, I get it, but it strikes me as one more kind of porn and I'm not going to look at tortured animals. It's bad for me, and if I were to act on the feelings it engenders, it would be bad for other people as well.

But I have made friends, and some good ones, on FB. There are people I value, and unless I begin writing even more letters to people, FB is the easy way to keep in touch. And occasionally, like today, I post a political action I took and I get a message that I have inspired someone else to call or write or whatever to their representative, and I do feel good about that.

But it is exhausting, and I do cringe a little when I check in on it in the morning. So my mental jury is still out, but I see it. I understand it. And I wonder, if the departure is noticeable to me, how many other people are seeing the same things with their friends?
philotera: self portrait #1 2017 (Default)
I've been away from any kind of serious journaling, which was at LJ, for five years. Feeling a tad nervous, but also a little pleased.

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